My sexual orientation or gender identity isn’t accepted at work. What can I do?
In 2022, the percentage of adults in the U.S. who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or something other than heterosexual (LGBTQ+) reached a new high of 7.1%, double the percentage a decade ago. This number will only continue to rise: Millennials are more than twice as likely to identify as LGBTQ+, nonbinary, or gender fluid than previous generations, and will make up 75% of the workforce by 2024. For Gen Z, one in six identify as LGBTQ+, and half know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns.
Days like National Coming Out Day, Trans Day of Visibility, and Bi Visibility Day, among others, celebrate the diversity of LGBTQ+ identities and the freedom that come from being fully seen.
April 22, 2022, the annual Day of Silence, honors a parallel reality. Started in the mid 1990s by two college students, the Day of Silence aims to reclaim the silence and erasure so often forced upon LGBTQ+ people. Students, teachers, educators, and allies take a vow to not speak, demonstrating the impact of LGBTQ+ people being silenced, and end the day with Break the Silence rallies to build momentum towards a more inclusive world.
In a year when LGBTQ+ rights are under attack—from the discriminatory “Don’t Say Gay” bill signed into law in Florida to the classification of gender-affirming care as child abuse in Texas—the Day of Silence feels more urgent than ever.
The impact of these rulings isn’t just being felt in schools. People of all ages have been feeling on edge, unsupported, and worried in response.
At Empower Work, we talk with people every day who are struggling with these feelings at work, feeling targeted because of who they are and unable to seek support. We believe no one should feel like they have nowhere to turn. That’s why we’re here to help.
I feel isolated and unsupported at work. What can I do?
We regularly hear from those who are grappling with feelings of isolation, exclusion, and discrimination at work based on their sexual orientation or gender identity—especially recently, given everything happening politically. If this is something you’ve been experiencing, here are a few things to consider.
Trust your instincts
If you feel targeted or discriminated against at work because of your sexual orientation—or any other aspect of identity—trust what you’re feeling.
Sometimes, we hear from people in situations where the targeting is overt and obvious. One texter shared:
"My director has been telling coworkers that I am bisexual and has made derogatory comments about other coworkers who are gay. I am going to HR about it but I am worried about retaliation."
This can be especially harmful when it’s not just one individual being discriminatory, but the workplace leadership or a whole workplace culture that chooses to turn a blind eye. Another texter shared:
“Having HR dismiss homophobic discrimination as simply disrespectful devalues my humanity as a gay person."
In some workplaces, though, the interactions can be more subtle. You may feel like something’s wrong, but it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly why. As one texter shared:
"I am pretty sure I'm being retaliated and discriminated against. I'm not sure if it's because I took a medical leave or because I'm gay or all of those…”
This subtle targeting can have consequences that are just as harmful as more overt comments or actions. Another texter shared:
"[I am] being passively aggressively bullied at work. I am out and gay[... and] I am stressed and on edge all day trying to avoid conflict."
Above all, trust your instincts. You may be experiencing bullying or discrimination, a toxic work environment, or a bad boss—but whatever it is, it’s not okay.
Consider your options
You’ll likely have different options available to you based on the specifics of your circumstances. Here are a few things to consider:
If you are in the position to, find likely allies at work. Is there a coworker who might share your experience, an employee resource group focused on building community, or someone who could help you strategize how to move forward? If you are in a position where you feel safe, seek out allies at work in which you can trust. Seeking out others who can empathize is an important first step to feel less alone.
Find support outside of work. Especially if you’re in a toxic environment, support outside work will be paramount. Try talking with a friend, mentor, or someone else you trust, or reach out to an Empower Work peer counselor for immediate, confidential support.
Identify where you have agency—and what you can manage. You likely won’t be able to change everything, and it’s not your sole responsibility to transform your workplace. At the same time, there are likely things you can do. Consider what’s within your control and how much of your own time and energy you want to focus on the issue at hand.
Explore how you want to move forward. An Empower Work peer counselor can help you explore whether you should quit your job or try to make it work, or things to consider before resigning. Resources like the ACLU are helpful if you’ve experienced discrimination and want to explore your options.
Prioritize your own well-being. Work can have a profound impact on our well-being. When something that’s a core part of your identity feels attacked or undervalued, it’s important to take care of your mental, physical, and community health to avoid burnout.
If you do choose to advocate in your workplace for more inclusive policies, finding allies means you won’t have to do it alone.
Supporting LGBTQ+ employees
It’s important to remember that LGBTQ+ employees should not be the only ones advocating for workplaces that are inclusive and supportive of everyone. If you’re interested in building a more inclusive workplace for LGBTQ+ employees—regardless of your role in your organization—here are a list of resources that can help you take the first step:
Out & Equal Workplace Advocates has a toolkit for assessing LGBTQ+ inclusion in your workplace and a guide of best practices for non-binary workplace inclusion.
NPR’s Life Kit on 4 ways to make your workplace equitable for trans people includes specific steps and resources.
Glassdoor’s checklist for empowering LGBTQ employees is especially useful for larger organizations.
The Human Rights Campaign has a searchable database detailing where employers stand on LGBTQ-inclusive policies, practices and benefits if you’re interested in learning more.
Our Empower Work blog addresses how to create a more inclusive workplace culture: Part 1: Commit to Learning and Part 2: Take Action. Our peer counselors are also just a text away, and can help you identify how you want to move forward: 510-674-1414.
Hold on to hope
The slew of recent anti-LGBTQ+ rulings has been difficult to stomach, but there still is cause for optimism. One town in southern California just approved a plan to provide transgender and nonbinary residents monthly payments as part of a guaranteed income pilot program. And in honor of the 2022 Day of Silence, the student planning committee created a Student Zine: My Silence, My Action.
In the meantime, if you’re struggling, an Empower Work peer counselor is just a text away for immediate, anonymous support: 510-674-1414.
Need support at work right now?
*Note: Empower Work provides non-legal support for workplace challenges. This information, while authoritative, is not legal advice or guaranteed for legality. Employment laws and regulations vary by state. We recommend consulting with state resources for specific interpretation and decisions. If you believe you were discriminated against in violation of the law, we recommend you seek legal advice.
