Harassed and discriminated against at work–here’s what I did
I reached out to Empower Work because I was at a breaking point. For years, I’d endured ongoing harassment and discrimination from my boss. I always hoped I would be the sort that if I had a bad boss I would stand up and fight it. It was a whole helluva lot harder than I had ever imagined.
Things cracked open when he humiliated me publicly. I’d had an opportunity to grow professionally and then was told I was no longer up for it because I’m–in his words–”a mother too busy raising kids and I couldn’t handle it.”
I righted the record and I was clear that I wanted to do it. He shut me down, belittling me in a crowded group. I can’t say I was shocked. This wasn’t the first time he had done something awful. But it was a point of no return.
I held myself together through the rest of the interaction, then found myself crying in the bathroom. I knew I needed to leave.
Figuring out what to do
I had no support at my work. No one to turn to. That’s when I started texting Empower Work. It was one of those moments where I found myself saying: “How did I get here? How am I in this mess? What do I do with this? How do I make it through?” It was weighty.
Connecting with one of the volunteers helped me in the moment to calm down and put the situation into words, in concise form since it’s SMS. What stuck with me was the person on the other end asked, “what’s going to make you feel whole?
“What stuck with me was the person on the other end asked, “what’s going to make you feel whole?”
I had to pause and think about what I wanted. I knew after experiencing this behavior from him for so long, confronting him directly wasn’t going to change anything. He’s at a point in his life where he’s a lifelong member of the boy’s club. There was nothing that was going to change his ways.
But, I knew that for me, I needed to stand up for myself to feel whole. I do not let people treat me that way. So I decided I would tell two different people at my work and just see what happened.
That’s where I started. The first one was a man and he said: “I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” He encouraged me to do nothing. The other person I told was a woman and she said: “that is discrimination and we don’t have room for that in this workplace. Report it to HR.”
Gathering support
I took her suggestion and with the help of an attorney worked through a plan to report his behavior to HR. Although I had years of documentation it wasn’t enough. I learned in the process that though what I’d experienced was pervasive and awful, it wasn’t necessarily unlawful. His actions were poor, but not against the law–or at least our laws right now. In my case, there wasn’t a legal option. The best I could hope for was breathing room while I found a new job.
I went back to the question “what would make me whole?” I still felt I needed to report it and for me the only thing worse than reporting would be not reporting. Ultimately, HR blamed me for his actions. While I expected my workplace to fail me, it still hurt. However, having documentation would provide some measure of protection while I found a new job.
I needed to work to support my family and I couldn’t leave immediately. Knowing the only way out was through, I got help. I spoke with my attorney regularly. I almost immediately went into therapy to develop tools for coping. I knew it wasn’t going to be forever and I left as soon as I could.
“What’s going to make you feel whole?” has become my compass and I’m proud of how I’ve navigated out of my toxic workplace. I wanted to write my own ending to my story, and I have. I have a new job. I am well supported. And most importantly to me, I have a new sense of the strength I possess.
“I wanted to write my own ending to my story, and I have. I have a new job. I am well supported. And most importantly to me, I have a new sense of the strength I possess.”
Finding your own version of “whole”
My “way out” started by connecting with Empower Work. It was just what I needed to figure how to break the cycle of harassment and discrimination. Having someone who could help me step back from the situation and figure out that first next step was invaluable. Texting helped me distill an experience worthy of a novel into the core issues so I could get to the heart of it quicker. Furthermore, I text all the time. There was nothing intimidating about it, which gave me the momentum to take more courageous steps later.
I knew reporting my boss wouldn’t directly benefit me, but I hoped that my story would benefit someone someday and encourage them to find their own version of “whole.”
Going through what I went through, I would never judge anyone for whatever decision they would make on what would make them feel whole. Everyone is different. Having support is huge to help figure it out.
That’s why I’ve told so many people about Empower Work. You are not alone. Reach out. Send that text (510-674-1414). It’ll help.
*name changed to protect confidentiality
